what is wrong with me?

I´m the problem. There is no enthusiam, no optimism. It is not the problem my job, because I´m stil learning interesting things. Someone suggest that could be me relation with V; well there are a coincidence, but there is not the same coincidence that causality, I refuse to believe that is the problem. The problem is me, but i can not identify it. I don´t know why i´m writing this in english, maybe because i think that in that way it is less real, less painful, as if someone else were writing. There is nothing, nothing inside.